god is a dj, life is a dancefloor!~

5:10 AM

maddd confused girl says:
how old ar u?
CLOSER. says:
15
maddd confused girl says:
oic
maddd confused girl says:
u look like 18
CLOSER. says:
hahhaa i see. ._.

Is that supposed to be a compliment?!

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5:04 AM

I guess I've sort of roughly decided that I'd go to Heart of God Church, aka Peck's church. Or Phyllis la. :D I'd check it out soon hopefully. Anyway here's a poem by Sharon Olds, a poem from our mid-year paper for Literature.

Highschool Senior
by Sharon Olds

For seventeen years, her breath in the house
at night, puff, puff, like summer
cumulus above her bed, and her scalp smelling of apricots
--this being who had formed within me,
squatted like a bright tree-frog in the dark,
like an eohippus she had come out of history
slowly, through me, into the daylight,
I had the daily sight of her,
like food or air she was there, like a mother.
I say "college," but I feel as if I cannot tell
the difference between her leaving for college
and our parting forever--I try to see
this house without her, without her pure
depth of feeling, without her creek-brown
hair, her daedal hands with their tapered fingers,
her pupils dark as the mourning cloak'swing, but I can't. Seventeen year
sago, in this room, she moved inside me,
I looked at the river,
I could not imagine my life with her.
I gazed across the street,
and saw, in the icy winter sun,
a column of steam rush up away from the earth.
There are creatures whose children float away at birth,
and those who throat-feed their young
for weeks and never see them again.
My daughter is free and she is in me
--no, my love of her is in me, moving in my heart,
changing chambers, like something poured from hand to hand,
to be weighed and then reweighed.

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9:23 PM

Okay, so I woke up late today.
Overslept.
So I didn't go to church. Even for the first time. Ha.
So I see that Christians do get baptized too.
Anyway, I started reading the New Testament.
Really, like what he said, the Old Testament is boring except maybe for Genesis and Exodus.
Here's a passage for today.

Matthew 5:16, 5
The Beautitudes

Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit
for theirs is in the kingdom of heaven
Blessed are those who mourn
for they will be comforted
Blessed are the meek
for they will inherit the earth
Blessed are those who hunger and
thirst for righteousness
for they will be filled
Blessed are the merciful
for they will be shown mercy
Blessed are the pure at heart
for they will see God
Blessed are the peacemakers
for they will be called sons of God
Blessed are those who persecuted
because of righteousness
for theirs is in the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

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6:54 AM

People can smile at you and stick a sword through your stomach at the same time.
watch out.

Proverbs 11:10, 11
The LORD abhors dishonest scales, but accurate weights are his delight.
When pride comes, then he comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
The integrity of the upright guides them,
but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity

Wealth is worthless in the day of wrath
but righteousness delivers them from death
The righteousness of the blameless makes a straight way for them
but the wicket are brought down by their own wickedness

The righeousness of the upright delivers them
but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires
When the wicked man dies, his hopes perishes;
all he expected from his power comes to nothing.

The righteous is rescued from trouble
and it comes to the wicked instead
With his mouth the godles destroys his neighbour
but through his knowledge the righeteous escape.

When the righteous prospedr, the city rejoices
when the wicked perish, there is shouts of joy
Thought the blessing of the upright in a city is exalted
but by the mouth of the wicked it is destroyed

A man who lacks judgement derides his tongue
A gossip betrays a confidence
but a trustworthy man keeps a secret
For the lack of guidance a nation falls
but many advisors make victory sure

He who puts up security for another will surely suffer
but whoever refuses to strike hands in pledge is safe
A kindhearted woman gains respect
but ruthless men gain only wealth
A kind man benefits himself
but a cruel man brings trouble on himself

The wicked man earns deceptive wages
but he who sows righteousness reaps a sure reward
The truly righteous man attains life
but he who pursues evil goes to his death

The LORD detests men of perverse heart
but he delights in those whose ways are blameless
Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished
but those who are righteous will go free

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout
is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion
The desire of the righeous ends only in good
but the hope of the wicked only in wrath
One man gives freely, yet gains even more
another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty

A generous man will prosper
he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed

People curse the man who hoards grain
but blessing crowns him who is willing to sell

He who seeks good finds goodwill
but evil comes to him who searches for it

Whoever trsuts in his riches will fall
but the rightoeous will thrive like a green leaf
He who brings trouble on his family
will inherit only wind
and the fool will be servant to the wise

The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life
and he who wins souls is wise

If the righteous receive their due on earth
how much more the ungodly and the sinner!

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12:07 AM

I'm considering turning to religion.
It's a very hard decision for me, because besides the fact the whole of my family is Buddhist, I remember swearing not to depend on the other being which supposedly does not exist.

Catholic or Christianity?

I don't know. I initially picked up the Bible as a book to read, not a book to um, worship. I see it as a storybook, because I was curious about Adam and Eve, I wanted to know how Moses parted the Red Sea, I wanted to know what happened at the Last Supper. Well, that's all, but it turned out more than just that.

I don't know if I should break that oath and go to church or not.

It felt odd.

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1:21 AM

The Ten Commandents;

Exodus 19:6, 20

And God spoke all these words:
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
You shall have no other gods before me.
You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth. beneath or in the waters below.
You shall not bow down to them or whorship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me ,but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandents.
You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.
Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your manservant or maidservant, nor your animals, nor the aliene within yourgates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all thtat is in them, but he rested on the seventh day, Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbth day and made it holy.
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.
You shall not murder.
You shall not commit adultery.
You shall not steal.
You shall not give false testimoney against your neighbour.
You shall not covet your neighbour's house. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbour.

When the people saw the thunderand lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distanceand said to Moses. "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die."
Moses said to the people. "Do not be afraid . God has come to test you, so that the fear of God will be with you to keep you from sinning."
The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

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9:55 AM

Being Material Girl was no easy feat, I'd say.

I've got my eye on another bikini, but I feel awfully awkward begging my mama to buy me another one.
Maybe just one day before I leave I'd beg her for one.
Two days is all I need before my slim dream comes - with a price tag of NT$199.
My heart beats faster and faster.
Anticipation.
Excitement.

The stone starts to roll, the moss is dropping.

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3:59 AM

Favourite Psalms from the Holy Bible.

Psalm 23
A psalm of David

The Lord is my sheperd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil for you are with me
your rod and your staff comfort me
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Psalm 70
for the director of music. Of David. A petition.

Hasten, O God to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me;
May those who seek my life
be put to shame and confusion
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace
May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
turn back because of their shame.
But may all those who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you
may those who love your salvation
always say
"Let God be exalted"
Yet I am poor and needy
come quickly to me, O'God
You are my help and deliverer
O LORD, do not delay

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